The design on the diner's wallpaper was slitted alligator eyes, staring at me. It had what the French call a certain....I don't know what.

What I'm trying to say is, it would've looked real cool on acid.

My mother drove me to the doctor, because I was sick. We're in the car, and she says "I'm going to take you to Lisa's and you're going to get a haircut."

I say No, I'm not. I'm sick and I want to go home.

"Your hair is too long. It's ridiculous. You look disgusting."

"Good."

"No, not good. My life is so hard right now. I'm under so much stress."

"...and the only thing that can fix it is if I get my hair cut, right now, right?"

"Please do it. Please just do it to make me happy."

"I'm sick. I want to go home."

"JORDAN!"

"If you drive there, I'm not getting out of the car."

So she drove there, got out of the car, and went inside.

She got the haircutter, who is her friend, come out and ask me to come in to get a haircut.

I felt so bad that my mother was doing this to her, that I went in to get a haircut.

Later she said "At the doctor's office, I told them I was going to make you get a haircut. Jimmy said 'You can't make him get a haircut anymore. He's twenty-four years old.' I told him 'We'll see about that!'"

Note to self: Still too nice sometimes. Still get taken advantage of.