NEIL: I suppose it's because I'm so mind-numbingly boring that I never get to meet any interesting people.

[The other guys are seen lounging around.]

I'm killing time.

Actually, I'm procrastinating.

No. In reality, I'm creating time. I'm creating extra time for myself.

Extra time for myself to squander.

RICK: Anyway, you'll still never win 'cause nothing interesting ever happens to us.

VYVYAN: Stop being so boring, Rick.

RICK: Oh, that's nice, isn't it? That's very nice! Coming from someone as boring as you!

In my head, I've been imagining Chuck Palahniuk and Kathleen Hanna beating up my co-workers.

It's psychic flotsam left over from reading Lullaby and listening to Le Tigre.

RICK: Hey, wouldn't it be a-mazing if all of this money was real?

VYVYAN: That is the single most predictable and boring thing that anybody could ever say while playing Monopoly.

It's not that I hate my co-workers or anything. They all just have absolutely nothing in common with me. It's like I'm sitting with irritating simulacrums of human beings.

We're characters in a sitcom. We're so different from each other, fundamentally, that we become caricatures.

VYVYAN: "You have won second prize in a beauty contest..."

RICK: Ha ha ha!

VYVYAN: "...smash Rick over the head with the bank!"

[VYVYAN literally follows the instructions on his card.]

Humor ensues. Right?

Ready the laugh track.

COP #1: I reckon I could have slept with her, if it wasn't for something I said. But we had a row, and uh... I said something about the Pope.

COP #2: That's a bit stupid, you know she's Catholic.

COP #1: Yeah, I know she's Catholic, I didn't know the Pope was.

COP #2: Heh. That's a laugh, eh, ain't it?

COP #1: What?

COP #2: That noise you make in the back of your throat when you hear a joke.

COP #1: Yeah, that's a laugh.

I read that all those laugh tracks were recorded so long ago that most of the people laughing are dead.

I wonder if that's true.